When it comes to first-time sex, there aren’t any “typical” ages, relationships, or situations in which to experience it for the first time, so let’s get that out of the way right now. As long as you and the other person are on the same page, it doesn’t matter how you go about it as long as it is mutually agreed upon. So let’s get away with the whole “losing your virginity” story that has been foisted upon women by society for hundreds of years (virginity is a social construct!).
“Penetration (particularly first-time penetration) has a lot of buzz surrounding it. A more favorable term for the experience is “making one’s sexual debut,” or “losing one’s virginity.” According to Lelo specialist Laurie Mint, PhD, author of Becoming Cliterate, “making this the primary event is both penis-centric and does not include non-heterosexual sex.” For the sake of clarity, I propose that we instead refer to one’s first orgasm with another person as their “sexual debut.”
The first time you get in a bed with another person can be anything you want it to be, according to Mint. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first time having sex with another person or not. It’s up to you, and no one else, to decide what it is.
Let’s talk about sex now that we’re all on the same page. Know that you’re in the proper place if you’re feeling nervous, puzzled, or anxious about this whole situation. Remember that this is your first time, and you shouldn’t expect it to be “perfect.”
Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, a sex and intimacy coach, explains that first-time sex doesn’t have to be perfect. “It’s not necessary for you to be an expert. This is the first of many opportunities for you to get knowledge about your own body and how to make sex work for both of you effectively. It’s important to approach it as a learning opportunity and allow oneself the time and leniency to make mistakes. Don’t berate yourself for being unsure of what to do in advance. Nothing can be learned until it is practiced many times over to become familiar with the process, your desires, and your preferences.
Keep in mind that there is nothing you are “losing.” Fehr believes that you’re gaining an experience and learning more about yourself. Focus on honoring your body, which includes paying attention to what it wants in the present moment, as well as asking for what you need such as extra lubrication or more contact and kissing before the encounter. ”
So take a deep breath, relax, and have fun with it. We’ve sought the expertise of some of the best sex specialists in the business to clear up any lingering questions you may have about sex for the first time. This is in your hands.
7 health tips for the first time you have sex
There are a few things you can do to make this process easier and less painful for you and your spouse.
Having sex for the first time is a life-changing experience for most people. It can broaden your perspective, deepen your connection to your partner, and teach you more about your own physicality. That said, this isn’t something that should be taken lightly. There are a few things you can do to make this process easier and less painful for you and your spouse.
Talk about it
Speak to an experienced and mature person about your decision, such as an older sibling, a friend, or a doctor. Even if you think you know what you’re doing, talking about it with someone else can help you make a more informed conclusion. It’s possible it will make you feel a little uneasy or possibly prompt some thoughts you hadn’t considered before. Because of this, you will be even more prepared after you locate the answers and overcome any obstacles.
Be prepared
They’re wrong if somebody tells you that you don’t have to do anything and it will all come to you. The more prepared we are, the less likely we are to be surprised by life’s unexpected twists and turns. Learn about the many sexually transmitted illnesses, genital organs, and erogenous zones before you engage in any sexual activity. Check your supplies for condoms and lubricants before embarking on a sexual encounter. If you’re not sure which ones will work best for you, pick up a few at your local pharmacy or ask a buddy to go with you if you’re frightened. You can also order them online.
Understand consent
When it comes to having sex, consent is the most crucial component. If somebody tells you otherwise, don’t listen to them. There will be those who will try to minimize or make light of the situation. If you feel unsafe at any time, rethink your decision. Make sure your companion understands and respects that no means no and stop means stop.
Establish trust
For some, sex with their spouse is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, while for others, it’s an ongoing relationship. In terms of your health, knowing that you can rely on this individual may make the encounter more enjoyable and safe. When was the last time you had a sexually transmitted illness test, and if so, how long ago, and if you were treated for it? You owe them nothing but this information. The same questions should be asked of your companion. It’s up to you whether or not to tell them that it’s your first time, but it may help them be more cautious and less surprised if you experience any bleeding (which may or may not happen). Let them know what you expect from them, and be sure to express your own as well. Make sure you’re all on the same page.
Have fun with foreplay
Take your time with foreplay, even if you’re apprehensive and simply want to get it over with. When a woman is sexually aroused, her vagina begins to lubricate itself. Lubrication is essential for a successful first time. In the absence of lubricant, you may experience pain, discomfort, and even a small cut or tear in your vagina as a result of the rubbing.
Don’t try any acrobatics
Even if you’re incredibly flexible and fit, you may be tempted to try to wow your lover with some sensual positions or tricks. It’s best to take it slow when first experimenting with sex because you won’t know how it feels unless you give it a shot. You can’t expect perfection the first time, but you don’t have to go overboard.
Remember hygiene
Preparation is key when it comes to cutting your nails. Before you begin, make sure to thoroughly wash your hands. Even if you don’t ejaculate, use a new condom every time you engage in sex. Before and soon after intercourse, women should urinate to lower the risk of urinary tract infections. Urination should be postponed for at least 15 minutes after a sexual encounter for men.
General tips for reducing discomfort
To make your first sexual encounter more enjoyable, there are a few general guidelines or instructions you can follow.
Get familiar with your own anatomy
Masturbating can help you learn more about your own body and what makes you feel good during a sexual encounter.
In order to get a sense of how it feels to be vaginally penetrated during sex, you may use your fingers or a sex toy.
While some angles and postures may cause you discomfort, others may bring you joy.
Knowing how to please yourself will make it easier to please your spouse.
Talk to your partner about your concerns
You could be having sex with your husband, your partner, a friend, or even an acquaintance for the first time.
Use a moist cloth or tissue to blot up any remaining bodily fluids when you’ve finished.
If you’re worried, share your concerns with them. Ask if you’re worried about the consequences.
As a team, you can take steps to ensure that you are both physically and emotionally safe.
Set realistic expectations around performance and orgasm
Because of your penis, you may think you must “stay long” in the bedroom before you orgasm and produce ejaculate.
It’s possible, but it’s also completely typical for it to be short-lived.
It’s possible that you’ll feel compelled to orgasm your spouse or even just yourself. While many people experience orgasms during their first intercourse, this isn’t always the case. And it’s fine!
It’s possible to improve your sex skills over time. Similar to learning to drive or walk, you may not be an expert at it right away.
However, practice and theory — that is, learning more about the subject — might help you enhance your ability over time.
It’s crucial to have realistic expectations for sexual pleasure and orgasms so that you don’t put yourself under as much stress as you might otherwise.
Go slow
If you’re apprehensive, you could feel the want to go fast when having sex. Regardless of the type of sex you’re having, however, going slow and steady is the way to go.
The first time through, use moderate and delicate motions, but don’t be afraid to switch things up.
Penetration of any kind should be done slowly to allow your vaginal or anal muscles time to relax and become acclimated to the sensation.
Slowing down allows you to fully appreciate and absorb each moment.
Spend time on foreplay
While foreplay can help you unwind, it can also help you become more conscious of your body’s sensations.
Penis owners should be aware that foreplay might cause them to go erection. For those who have a vagina, “wet” is when your vagina secretes lubricating liquid before sexual activity.
Foreplay can be enjoyable regardless of the areas of your body you want to use during a sexual relationship.
Everybody has an own take on foreplay. The following are examples of possible inclusions:
- making out or exchanging passionate kisses
- cuddling (naked or clothed)
- a shared experience of pornographic media
- bringing up the subject of sexual relations
- the dry hump
- The following are some examples of sexual activity (such as manual or oral sex)
When it comes to sex, we all have our own concept of what it means to be sexy!
Use lots of lube!
A lubricant can be useful if you’re planning on engaging in sexual intercourse. Slipping in and out is made more easier and less uncomfortable.
This is especially important if you intend to insert a dildo, penis, fingers, or other sex toys into the vagina or anus.
If you’re using a condom, you should steer clear of lubricants that include oil. Using an oil-based condom can result in a hole forming, rendering it ineffective.
So, instead of using Vaseline, use a water-based lubricant instead.
You can get lubricants online, at pharmacies, or even in your local supermarket.
Try different positions
One sexual posture may not be right for you; try a different one.
The following are some basic sex positions for newcomers:
- missionary
- girl-on-top
- canine fashion
- 69
Don’t worry too much about the name of the position – simply find something that feels right to you.
Your own genitals, as well as those of your partner, will play an important role in the position you choose.
To make your first experience with sex more exciting, you might want to try some risky or even acrobatic positions. In any case, there’s no need to put yourself through any pain just to see what happens.
In many cases, it’s preferable to keep things simple and do what’s best for you and your partner.
Check-in as it’s happening
Sexy, silent montages in movies may make it appear like people only communicate with each other through moans of ecstasy during sex.
During sex, inquire about your partner’s well-being. Asking questions such as:
- Are you having fun with this?
- Do you feel at ease with this arrangement?
- What would you like to see us do next?
You can ask them to stop, take a break, or change positions if you’re uncomfortable. If you’re stumped for words, try these:
- I don’t feel at ease. Let’s call it a day.
- This is not something I’m looking forward to. Let’s switch places.
- Is it possible to go a little more slowly?
What’s the end result? In order to succeed, you need to be able to communicate effectively.
If you’re going to have oral sex
You should avoid using your teeth on your partner’s genitals (unless they specifically ask for it, since some individuals do enjoy the experience!) because it can be uncomfortable.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasures of gentle licks, strokes, and kisses on a penis, vagina, or anus.
To give someone a blowjob, it could be awkward for you to stick it directly at your throat. Take your time and don’t feel compelled to cram it all in if you don’t want to.
If you’re going to have vaginal sex
For those who don’t have much lubrication in their vagina, use lubrication. Sex toys, fingers, and even a penis can all be penetrated more easily with lube.
Clip their nails and wash their hands before attempting to penetrate you with your partner’s fingers. The discomfort of dealing with long nails is well-known.
When it comes to penetration, take your time. To help release the vagina, use gentle, shallow strokes with your finger, sex toy, or penis.
A little Dildo is recommended if you’re new to using one. The first time you’re touched with fingers, your partner can start with only one or two and work their way up to more if you like.
Prop a pillow under your pelvis and then lie down before you’re pierced to avoid any discomfort. This suits the tastes of many people.
In reality, a ruptured hymen is already present in 99.9% of vaginal tissues. How would you get your menstrual blood out if you didn’t have a syringe?
Lay on an old towel or blanket if you’re afraid about bleeding. When a woman’s vagina is penetrated for the first time, some women begin to bleed.
In order to have anal intercourse, you’ll need a condom.
Lubrication is essential for the first time you have anal intercourse. There are no natural sexual lubricants produced by the anus, unlike the vagina.
Start with a little sex toy if you plan on using one. For anal intercourse, there are sex gadgets that have been carefully made.
In the case of an anus being penetrated by a penis, little sex toys or fingers may be useful in the beginning. The physical and mental benefits of doing this can help you unwind.
The key to effective movement is deliberate, deliberate pacing. Fast or rough sex can cause pain in the anal tissues since they are so fragile.
FAQs
Does first-time sex hurt?
It all comes down to personal preference. Sex for the first time, like trying a new sport like jogging or weight lifting, is “absolutely typical and natural” because it’s the first time you’ve done it, adds Fehr. In the beginning, your body will be achy and uncomfortable, and it will take time for it to adapt to the new movement and experience. There will be a period of adjustment when you begin using your body in a more penetrative manner.”
If you’ve ever experienced penetrative sex for the first time, you’ve probably felt as if your partner has been “hitting brick walls,” which is not what sex should feel like. Vaginismus, which makes it extremely difficult for anything to enter the vagina, should be checked out by a doctor or gynecologist in the event that lubrication doesn’t help things go smoothly.
The distinction between “short-term and long-term pain” is critical, according to Fehr. “Short-term discomfort is a symptom that your body is not adapted to a new experience. You could be in pain. In most cases, this type of discomfort subsides after a few days. Chronic discomfort during sex suggests that your body lacks necessary components to make the experience pleasurable for you. It may be done too quickly and before the body has had a chance to fully swell. It’s possible that the body isn’t ready since there hasn’t been enough foreplay or connection time before sex. All of this does not imply that you are a lost cause. However, it could also signify that there’s a missing ingredient or an issue that’s creating discomfort from within.”
Her advice is to ask yourself what you need in order to make the experience as safe as it can be, as joyful as possible and as exciting. What may be lacking in your body? Have you slowed down at all? Being sexually assaulted more frequently? Is it possible to apply a more gentle touch? “It’s all part of the process of self-discovery,” Fehr explains.
As long as the sensation doesn’t go away soon on its own or gets worse over time, you should see your doctor if it persists or worsens.
Will I bleed the first time I have sex?
In reality, the idea that all women with vaginas experience bleeding the first time they engage in penetrative sex is false. In fact, it’s a big problem because it’s completely inaccurate.
Yes, some women bleed during their first period, and this is mainly due to the hymen—a small, delicate piece of tissue located just a few inches within the vagina—being stretched. Because the hymen can be stretched during everyday, non-sex activities like trampolining, riding a bike, or jogging around, more than half of people avoid bleeding their first time around.
The first time you experience post-sex bleeding is not the only time it can happen to you. In order to make the experience even more pleasurable, you should absolutely buy some lubrication.
Is it possible a penis won’t fit into a vagina?
Penetration intercourse may leave you puzzled as to how anything that massive could fit inside of your genital cavity. Although the average length of a woman’s vagina is between three and seven inches, it is actually extremely elastic and can grow to considerably greater lengths and widths during sexual activity (and childbirth). Because some penises don’t fit, it’s vital to take things slowly.
Try a different position, slow down, or use some manual or oral stimulation to enhance blood flow to the vagina if intercourse seems uncomfortable (or like the penis is hitting a wall in your vagina).
Should I use a condom the first time I have sex?
Pregnancy worries and sexually transmitted infections (STI) are the most distracting things to think about when having sex. Even if it’s awkward, you and your spouse should talk about how you’ll safeguard each other before the event. Protect yourself and your partner from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) by using a condom even if you’re using another form of birth control. Check out your local Planned Parenthood facilities for free and low-cost screenings.
Who is supposed to bring the condom?
Ob-gyn Tamika K. Cross, MD recommends carrying a condom with you at all times, even if you don’t think sex will occur. Don’t rely on your spouse to provide condoms, which can help prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Dr. Cross asks, “Why place your trust in someone else’s preparedness?”
To help you out, we’ve put together a list of our top condoms.
What counts as “first-time sex”? Does it have to be penetrative?
Having sex for the first time doesn’t mean that you’ve had your vagina invaded by a penis for the first time. Patriarchy is at blame for this widespread misunderstanding.
In the past, virginity has been regarded as a virtue because we’ve positioned sex (and our availability for sex) explicitly for women as something that we do for men—and that includes protecting it for them. “Keeping virginity has long been perceived as the virtue,” adds Fehr. “It follows that preserving your virginity for a future relationship is valuable and sought after,” he said. Assume that the purpose of engaging in sexual activity is to get pleasure and an experience for oneself and one’s body rather than to gain closeness with another or to gain intimacy with another person.
This site, administered by health specialists from Columbia University, has the definition of sex that Mint prefers, according to her. The following is their view of what sex is to them:
“Doing the Deed could include any act involving one or more consenting individuals making physical contact with the vulva, clitoris, vagina, anus, penis, or testicles for the goal of sexual pleasure. There are several ways to touch the genitals, such as genital to genital or genital to anal or genital to a toy. Yes, phone sex, masturbation, and genital contact through clothing are all examples of this description. For the purposes of this concept, both permission and intent are relevant (pelvic exams do not equal sex, for example). Keep in mind that neither penetration nor the potential for pregnancy nor orgasm characterize sex. ”
“Ultimately, sex should leave you feeling that you have gained something for yourself,” adds Fehr. So, yes, it’s up to you how it looks.
Is one type of sex more “real” than other types?
Contrary to popular belief, sex does not consist of a P moving into a V. According to Mint, this conception of sex is problematic for a variety of reasons.
People with vaginas typically don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so this concept is rather penis-centric,” she argues. The second issue is that this definition excludes non-heterosexual sex.”
As a result, you’ll likely be more nervous than usual when the experience comes around. Be more open-minded when it comes to experimenting with various forms of sex by shifting your perspective.
Furthermore, there is no sex hierarchy in which some acts are deemed to be more “genuine.” No one type of sex is superior than the others. No intercourse, including anal, oral, or penetrative sex, should ever be your goal. In the event that you’re interested, there are a plethora of different options available to you.
Do I need to tell my doctor if I want to or have had sex?
The best part about getting a gynecologist is you have someone to bounce sex-related questions off of, so utilize their knowledge. According to Beverly Hills ob-gyn Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, MD: “Sex and sexual function are such large topics and there’s frequently a lot of guilt around them. But we can address anything that’s going on.” “You deserve to learn about your body, have pleasure, and enjoy sex,” says the author.
As a gynecologist, you have someone to discuss sex issues with, so take advantage of their expertise! According to Beverly Hills ob-gyn Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, MD: “Sex and sexual function are such large topics and there’s frequently a lot of guilt around them. But we can address anything that’s going on.” “You deserve to learn about your body, have pleasure, and enjoy sex,” says the author.
Am I supposed to pee after having sex?
As a gynecologist, you have someone to discuss sex issues with, so take advantage of their experience and advice. As one ob-gyn in Beverly Hills previously told Cosmopolitan, “Sex and sexual function are such big things, and there’s frequently a lot of shame around them,” Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, MD, said. As a human being, you have the right to learn about your body, have fun, and have sex.
So yes, whether you use fingers, toys, or a penis for penetration, peeing cleans out your urethra after sex. As time goes on, your body becomes more used to fending off external bacteria, but it’s still a good idea to pee within an hour or two after sex, no matter how experienced you are.
Should I use lube the first time I have sex?
Even if you and your body are saying, “OK, let’s do this!” a little lubricant may make sex so much more enjoyable. Using lube can be an indication that you’re not turned on enough. Water- or silicone-based lubricants reduce friction in the condom, making them less prone to rip. Avoid using oil-based lubricants if possible, as they might damage latex.
Do I need to shower before having sex for the first time?
Because bacteria can quickly spread up the vagina or anus during penetrations, it is imperative to maintain good cleanliness. Before and after touching someone else’s genitals, always wash your hands. For those who have never experienced penetration sex, warming up in the tub or shower beforehand might help calm nerves and prepare the body for the experience. You may also want to clean up afterward to eliminate any remaining condom residue or bodily fluids, but this is a personal preference, so don’t feel like you have to do so..”
Will I know what to do the first time I have sex?
Masturbation is the ideal preparation for your first sex experience. Coach Azaria Menezes adds, “Take time to explore your own body and find out what you actually appreciate in terms of how you like being touched,” and “find out what regions are wonderful to you,” as she puts it. For coupled sex, she says, this may be extremely liberating and open the door to an incredible amount of pleasure.
What if sex doesn’t feel good at first? Does that mean I hate it?
Modern Intimacy founder Kate Balestrieri, a sex therapist, notes that everyone’s tastes might change from day to day or mood to mood. Just because you read about it in an article doesn’t mean you should try to implement it immediately.” Authentic pleasure may only be found by following the guidance of one’s own erotic truth. Feeling happy is more important than thinking it should be.
How can I look pretty while having sex for the first time?
No matter how your face or stomach looks, anything you’re saying or doing has real-world consequences! It’s not! It’s better to focus on what you’re feeling and the sensations of your partner’s touch rather than on what you’re thinking. You should stop thinking about sex as a performance and focus on what makes you feel alive, advises Menezes.
How long does first-time sex last?
There is no need to make an appointment for this. The idea of setting out a set amount of time each day for first-time sex strikes me as a burden you should avoid placing on yourself.
Let yourself take your time and slow down, advises Menezes. Make place in your schedule for sex and snuggling by having sex when you know you won’t be doing anything else afterward. Pillow chat can be a good way to unwind at the end of the day.
Does first-time sex still count if I don’t orgasm? What about if my partner doesn’t orgasm?
Dr. Angela Jones, an ob/gyn, believes that sex does not have to be solely about having an orgasm. This is especially true the first time you try it out on your own.
You should definitely work toward it as you learn more about your personal requirements, but don’t put yourself under too much pressure. Take use of all of the emotional and mental benefits that sex has to offer in order to connect with your partner on an even deeper level. Because a person isn’t just as valuable because of their sexual performance, adds Dr. Jones, “they’re worth more than that.”
In addition, an orgasm is likely to occur when you and your partner get more at ease with each other. A high level of trust, safety, and communication are all necessary for an orgasm, says Fehr. “Again, these things may evolve and build through time,” he adds.
Should I fake an orgasm the first time I have sex?
Do yourself a favor and don’t set the standard for this kind of performance, despite the fact that mainstream culture has taught us to groan and writhe with delight at every every touch. For the first time with a new partner, Tammelleo feels this is especially critical. When it comes to orgasms, you don’t want to set unreasonable expectations, especially since many people with a vagina don’t experience orgasms the first time they meet someone new.
It’s more difficult to convey your desires in the future if you fake an orgasm or tell your spouse that you had one when you didn’t, according to Tammelleo. As a result, it becomes more difficult to stop and say, “Actually, what you’re doing does not rock my world as much as you think, sorry,” after you get into the habit of fake.
What should I talk about with my partner before having sex?
Talking about sex with a new partner is a must. “In order to have good sex, you need to communicate your wants, needs, and desires to your partner,” says SKYN sex and intimacy expert Gigi Engle. This includes talking about what this sexual encounter will mean to you, if you are in a casual or serious relationship, if you and/or your partner are planning on being monogamous, and whether or not you are sleeping with other people.
With a new love interest, it’s essential to talk about sex. As SKYN sex and intimacy specialist Gigi Engle states, “If you want to have wonderful sex, you need to communicate your needs and goals to your partner.” If you’re in a casual or long-term relationship, talk about how this sexual encounter will affect your relationship, as well as whether or not you and your partner plan to be monogamous.
How will I know what my partner likes during sex?
No matter how many times you’ve had sex, the worst thing you can do is assume you know exactly what your partner wants before you even start. Slumber party chatter can’t prepare you for what your partner is genuinely interested in, no matter how much you’ve heard.
You can only find out by asking: Do you prefer oral sex, or would you prefer to avoid it? Which do they prefer: music on or music off? The lights are either on or off.
Asking questions not only demonstrates your interest in your relationship, but it may also inspire them to do so, thus improving the experience for everyone involved.
What if I regret having sex for the first time?
Not only should you go into it with realistic expectations, but you should also remember not to be hard on yourself later on as you reflect on the experience. Just because you waited years to have your first sexual encounter with a long-term partner doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty about enjoying your first fling because it was pleasant for both of you.
Do I have to tell my partner it’s my first time having sex?
Your entire sexual past isn’t necessary for a new partner. It’s entirely up to you whether or not you’ve slept with 50 or 0 individuals. No one has a right to your “number,” period.
That being said, getting close for the first time can be quite the experience. Your whole comfort and mood could be affected if you feel like you’re suppressing something crucial to you. It’s up to you whether or not you want to inform them. If you don’t want to inform them, that’s fine with me.
If you tell someone you’ve never had sex before and they freak out, you definitely don’t want to be in a relationship with them in the first place. Now is the time for them to step up their communication with you.
What if I want to stop in the middle of having sex?
I don’t mind at all. The fact that you engage in sex does not mean that you must continue to engage in it. You are entitled to halt or abandon whatever you are doing. No. Matter. What. Of course, the same holds true for your other half.
Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, advises couples to “enthusiastically consent to each and every thing you do together.” There is a lot of emphasis on “enthusiastic” in that line. Make sure you’re not merely following the crowd. Don’t be apprehensive about it,” he advises.
Make sure you’re both excited about what you’re doing at all times by checking in with each other. You don’t have to say “yes” to sex just because you had sex once.
How can I feel less nervous about having sex?
When you’re having sex for the first time, even if you’re sure you’re ready, it’s normal to feel scared. This is part of the fun of the experience.
Deep breathing is an excellent technique for letting rid of unwanted thoughts, as Marin explains. Your body and your partner’s body will feel different when you’re taking deep breaths, so pay attention to how each part of your body feels and how your partner’s body feels against yours, not just the apparent aspect.
Is first-time sex supposed to feel good?
Foreplay is an important part of sex, so don’t forget about it. Oral sex, for some people, is simply old-fashioned kissing.
“Resist the temptation to conceive of these activities as the things you do before moving on to the big event,” adds Marin. Vaginal intercourse rarely provides enough clitoral stimulation for the majority of vagina-havers, regardless of whether they have orgasm during their first penetrative sex session.
What if I’m “bad” at having sex?
Believing that your first time in bed won’t be “good” is a common fear, but the most important thing is that you and your partner are immersed in each other’s feelings, and that you are communicating about it.
When it comes to a partner, Marin believes that “enthusiasm” may be the ideal trait to look for. As long as you’re having a good time, your spouse will notice and appreciate it.
Is there anything I can do for you? Inquiries in the form of, “How do you feel about that?” as well as, “Do you like it when [fill in the blank]?” It’s important to give your partner an opportunity to thank you for what you’re doing or to ask for a little something extra from you.
What if my partner is “bad” at sex?
As a general rule, it’s typical to worry that telling your spouse that something isn’t right or that something different would be better may make them feel defensive. However, if they truly care about your happiness, they will be delighted to learn how they might assist you in experiencing it. Because figuring out what you want might be difficult in the heat of the moment, talking about what you liked, what you didn’t like, and what you’d like to try again after the fact can be useful.
What’s having sex for the first time like?
For a long time, teen movies and television shows gave us an exaggerated picture of what it’s like to experience penetrating sex for the first time. Every time, it’s flawlessly orchestrated, romantic, and concludes with an implied climax. It’s not like that.
Having sex for the first time isn’t going to set off a pyrotechnics display. No matter how many times you’ve had sex, it will always be sloppy, human, flawed, and awkward. Having fun with sex is a result of the act of experimenting and practicing.
Is Will having sex for the first time be awkward?
If you want good sex, you need to quit worrying about it. Tiana GlittersaurusRex, a polyamorous activist and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide, recently told Cosmopolitan, “Have fun and enjoy moments of silliness if they come.” Remember, “It’s alright to laugh and enjoy the voyage through all of its parts.”
In fact, laughing together will help alleviate some of your nervousness, relax your muscles, and start you talking, all of which will make your first time—and every time after that—even better.
